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How to Improve Your Relationship with Words of Affirmation

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, you need to follow a few steps to strengthen your relationship. Here is what you need to do!


How to Use Words of Affirmation in Your Relationship?

When it comes to our love relationships, we tend to believe that actions are more important than what we say to our loved ones. However, if your partner appreciates words or written notes, compliments, or when you share your feelings, it is likely that their main love language is words of affirmation.

Let’s see how you can use the words of affirmation in your relationship and how online therapy can help you.


What are words of affirmation?

The Five Love Languages” is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman. He describes the main ways of sharing your love with your significant one as being the words of affirmation, gifts, physical connection, spending time together, and acts of service.

According to him, these are the main ways of offering and receiving love in a relationship. If your partner appreciates speaking or receiving notes from you, you could use words of affirmation to improve your relationship and strengthen your bond.

It is important to be honest and genuine when you express your feelings. Telling them regularly how you feel, either through spoken or written words, can mean the world for them and completely transform your relationship for the better.

You do not need to be an artist when it comes to this love language; rather, be you and authentic as they will be able to tell if you exaggerate or do not tell the truth. If you find it difficult to find words of affirmation spontaneously, you can work on a list that you constantly update with new ideas.


Sharing Your Appreciation

As in any other relationship, a romantic bond must be based on appreciation for one another. No matter what your partner does – going to work, doing the laundry, or that they spend their free time with you, make sure you tell them that you appreciate them for these acts.

It is best to be specific when you mention your gratitude, so tell them exactly what you appreciate.


Offer Compliments

Did your partner get a new haircut? Did they receive a promotion?

There are always reasons to tell them how great they are. You could also do this in front of others, but do not exaggerate as you may end up embarrassing them.


Highlight Their Good Traits

If your partner has had a rough day, is tired, or simply has had enough, it’s time for a pep talk. Make them feel better by telling them what you love about them the most — how resilient, proactive, or hard-working they are.

This will make them feel appreciated and encouraged, lifting their mood. It also lets them know that you love them no matter what happened that affected their mood in the first place.

Be empathetic, put yourself in their shoes, and try to identify what may make them feel better in each situation.


Be Consistent

Dr. Gary Chapman compares his love languages to the act of filling a love tank. In other words, if you use words of affirmation often, you keep filling your partner’s love tank — when you forget, the tank is depleting.

When the tank is complete, your partner will be grateful to you, and they will feel supported and happy with your relationship.


How to Deliver Criticisms


As good words can fill up the love tank, improperly handled criticisms can achieve the opposite. Partners with words of affirmation as the main love language do not take criticisms lightly, and they will most likely turn defensive.

It is best to think carefully when you have anything to discuss — make sure your words are constructive rather than complaining about their behavior. You can add these constructive comments in between compliments.

Communication is essential, but the delivery method is equally crucial.


Examine Their Reactions

Words of affirmation can be anything from complimenting on a new outfit to expressing your love. However, not everyone reacts the same to these words.

When using them, try to find out and remember what your partner enjoys most — some people are happy when praised for their work, while others do not prefer compliments regarding physical aspects or appearance.

To use this love language the best, you should personalize your approach according to your partner’s preferences.


Be Creative with Your Loving Phrases

When you are in a relationship with a partner whose love language is words of affirmation, you should know that “I love you” is not something that will ever wear down. They will never get tired of hearing these words from you.

As a result, it is crucial to communicate your love as often as possible. You can get creative with your loving phrases, tell your significant other when they expect it the least, such as after making a mistake or when both of you go through difficult times.


Surprise your Partner

As briefly mentioned above, your words of affirmation do not always have to be spoken. If you do not spend much time together or you want to show your love more often, you can write them a thoughtful email when they are at work.

Add a little note to their lunch, leave a short letter in their car, or put a post-in on the bathroom mirror. These small but highly significant actions will work as efficiently as spoken words.


How to Ask Your Partner for Words of Affirmation

If you have the same love language, it is equally important that your partner uses words of affirmation. In this case, you can bring up the topic and thoroughly discuss it. You should never wait until your resentment or sadness starts bubbling.

Direct communication is the best to solve all of your relationship issues, and leaving tips or being elusive regarding your need for compliments is not the right approach.

Instead, be open and tell them directly. When you see them making an effort, no matter how big or small, make sure you show them your appreciation. At Tantric Academy, you can read more professional information about how to improve your relationship or find the right partner.




Using words of affirmation in your relationship can fill up your partner’s love tank. Do not be afraid to get creative and look for new ways of stating your affection, support, and deliver criticisms or requests in a calm, constructive manner.

If you or your partner struggle, you can always join online relationship therapy on Calmerry. This will pave the way towards strengthening your bond and teaching both of you a more personalized approach, especially if you go through a rough period in your life.



About the Author

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has been working in healthcare since 2017. She mainly treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, grief, identity, relationship, and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience is focused on individual and group counseling.

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