Oh, those heady days at Olympus Academy for gods and goddesses! A place where being too cool for school is de rigueur and having a date to the school orgy is everyone’s number one concern. Yes indeed, this is Ancient Grease, and any similarity to a well-known musical set at Rydell High School is entirely on purpose and intended coincidental, wink wink!
This show is a parody of the classic 1970s musical Grease, of course, whilst also being something of an adult panto, complete with audience participation and bawdy jokes. It’s Grease, Jim, but not as we know it!
All the characters we know and love are kind of represented here. You’ve got Hera, the innocent young goddess with the most OTT Australian accent you’ve ever heard. She’s new to the school and happened to meet a hot young god by the name of Zeus during the Summer break… He sounds peachy keen!
It’s pretty familiar stuff, except this version quickly starts to flip the script. Hera isn’t destined to stay the sweet, wide-eyed newcomer for long, thanks to the meddling Fates, who act as chaotic narrators, puppet masters, and occasional agents of mischief. Grace Kelly Miller, Christopher Patten-Walker and Lara Sas have great fun with this, leaning fully into the absurdity, kicking things off with a gloriously odd opening number that parodies ‘Grease Is the Word’ in a way that feels deliberately off-kilter (and sounds very odd – not my favourite song of the show).
Zeus, played by Peter Camilleri, is your classic overconfident jock – so cool, so self-obsessed, and so busy being a legend in his own mind that he barely remembers Hera at all. It’s a knowingly ridiculous take on the archetype, and the show mines plenty of laughs from it, not least through some very silly running gags.
Then you’ve got the school factions – not T-Birds and Pink Ladies, but Alphas and Omegas – and a whole host of gloriously reimagined characters. This includes a delightfully camp Hephaestus (Ollie Thomas Smith), who is trying very hard to project macho energy and failing, in comedic fashion, as he really only has eyes for Christopher Patten-Walker’s Ares. Patten-Walker plays both Ares and one of the fates, and in certain scenes a lot of laughs are had over his need to switch character mid conversation.
The cast are strong, but the real standout, for me, was Lucy Penrose as Aphrodite. Having loved her performance as Rizzo in not one but two Secret Cinema Grease productions, she is the reason many of us were so excited to see this show – and she does not disappoint. Essentially the show’s Rizzo figure, Penrose absolutely owns the stage, channelling Stockard Channing with uncanny precision while still making the role her own. Her big number – a parody of ‘There Are Worse Things I Could Do’ – is the moment the room collectively leans in. It’s funny, it’s bold, and vocally, it’s just superb. You could feel that a lot of the audience had been waiting for this, and she more than delivered.
Across the board, the cast are clearly having the time of their lives. Philippa Leadbetter’s Hera, as well as being hilarious with her extreme Aussie bogan accent, gets some lovely vocal moments of her own, particularly in her big transformation number ‘I’m The One That You Want’, while Safia Bartley’s Athena brings a surprising amount of genuine emotional grounding to the chaos as she struggles with some complex feelings. Among all the silliness, there are flashes of something real – a reminder that even in parody, a bit of heart and genuine emotion goes a long way.
Musically, it’s a clever balancing act. Lady Aria Grey’s writing lifts the structure and spirit of Grease, while Corin Buckeridge’s arrangements sidestep the originals just enough to keep things legally safe but still instantly recognisable. You’ll hear all the songs you almost know and love, and that’s very much the point.
Staging-wise, it’s simple but effective. The traverse setup, with a central catwalk, suits the high-energy, cabaret-style feel perfectly, and keeps the audience close to the action at all times. Lucinda Lawrence’s choreography leans into the chaos, culminating in a full-on dance-off that feels like exactly the kind of unhinged spectacle you want from a show like this.
It is crude. It is rude. It is very, very silly. Not everyone will be on board with that. But honestly? I was laughing a lot. With a drink in hand and the right expectations, it’s exactly the kind of night out that the Vaults does so well.
The plot itself is, frankly, beside the point. It veers off into chariot races, unexpected twists, and at least one genuinely surprising effects moment that I won’t spoil. What matters is the vibe – and the vibe is chaos, camp, and a group of performers fully committing to the bit.
If you love Grease, you’ll have a great time spotting all the references and seeing how far they push them. If you don’t love Grease… well, firstly – why the heck not?? And secondly… I can’t believe any of those silly Grease haters will have read this far so….
Ancient Grease is a wild, ridiculous, joyfully irreverent spectacle that never takes itself seriously and is all the better for it. If you’re up for filthy jokes, crazy parody, and a lot of laughter with some minor deities – then it’s definitely the one that you want!
Catch Ancient Grease at The Vaults (Launcelot St) until 31 May 2026.
Get your tickets from thevaults.london
Words Nick Barr
Photography Flavia Fraser-Cannon
