Sexual Pressure
There’s such a high pressure idealization behind having sex. Whether it’s losing your virginity, having a hookup, or just having to please someone with a higher libido than you, it seems like our culture is obsessed with sex. More specifically, people having sex.
What do you think of when you hear the word celibate?
Celibacy can be a very stigmatized word. The idea of celibacy, which is refraining from sex and marriage, is foreign to many. Celibacy and abstinence are similar, but different.
Abstinence typically means refraining from sex until marriage, versus refraining from both sex and marriage, which is indicative of celibacy.
Why would someone choose to remain abstinent?
Abstinence is chosen for a variety of reasons. Someone may choose abstinence due to personal or religious beliefs. Others may not feel comfortable having sex quickly, as they know the risks of STI’s. Others may want it to be the ideal time and place for them to feel very special and loved. Others may be asexual, and not into sex as a whole. They may crave more of an emotional attachment than a physical attachment.
Regardless of the reason, abstinence or celibacy is a personal choice that is up to the person individually. As long as the need is communicated to their partner, there should be no problem. It can be difficult in the sexual society we live in though, as sex itself is a norm, and those who are asexual may feel the pressure to have sex because most people enjoy it, and they can’t find a partner who doesn’t want it. Just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean they want complete abstinence either – they may only want to have sex on the very rare occasion, or they may prefer to have masturbationn as their method of getting off. Keep in mind that more than 82% of people own vibrators and dildos, according to statista.com.
While most people will experience some kind of sexual desire, it is normal and okay to feel no sexual desire at all. Sex is mentioned in the media constantly, so if you aren’t ready to have sex or the idea turns you off, don’t allow society or your partner to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
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How can you effectively deal with societal pressure around sex?
Where is the pressure coming from?
If your partner is pressuring you, leave them. It’s not fair for you to be pressured into something you do not want to do, most especially if that has been communicated openly. It’s ok to want to have sex, but to guilt trip a partner into it is not ok. Communicate and set limits with your partner. Even if it feels uncomfortable, communication is key to avoid any issues. If after this conversation they still pressure you, make sure that you leave them. Nothing good can come of this.
It might seem embarrassing and awkward at first, but doing so is absolutely necessary. You may physically want to have sex, but perhaps mentally you don’t. Prepare yourself for some guilt and for them to ask incessantly. But if they violate your boundaries, make sure you don’t give them another opportunity to. Consent must be consistently given – and sex is something that must be your choice to have.
For many people, sex is a key part of their relationship – but if it isn’t for you, and it’s a huge difference between you and your partner, it’s best to see if parting ways is a better option.
For a lot of people, sex is an important part of a relationship, but if your partner truly respects you and wants to be with you, they will respect what’s best for you.
Are you experiencing pressure from your friends?
Your friends should be respecting your decisions, and there is no valid reason for a true friend to continue to try to get you to do something you aren’t comfortable doing. Peer pressure is not ok, regardless of how close your friends are to you. Now if you have communicated your desire to abstain from sexual activity, and they continue to pressure you, that shows who your friends truly are. If you haven’t communicated, make sure you do so, and see how they act moving forward.
Your friends should not care if you are sexually active or not, but if they start teasing you or being rude, this tells you that your friendship is toxic. It’s best to be open and honest, and a true friend will be supportive, understanding, and non judgemental.
Pressure from society.
Especially for women, sexuality is something that is forced upon some. However, if you’re too sexually active, you’re thought of as a slut or a loose woman. You can’t win if you do have sex, and you can’t win if you don’t. However, your sex life is really between you and your partner, not the world.
Don’t pressure yourself!
Just because you are choosing not to have sex now doesn’t mean you’ll never want to have sex. Whether you are waiting for the right person, the right moment, or the right headspace, don’t do it if you aren’t one hundred percent into it. Take this opportunity to get comfortable with yourself and go on dates if you want to. You can also just choose to have oral sex, or foreplay. Dates can be fun with no sex attached. Maybe you’ll enjoy self pleasure, or sexual toys exploration even if sex isn’t something you want with another person!
At the end of the day, pressure can feel scary, daunting, and sometimes even be unsafe. Stick to your principles, and don’t sacrifice what you want just to please others.
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