Dead Hard
– Review, COLAB Tower, London

Yippee Theatre’s Dead Hard reimagines Christmas panto with glitter, go-karts, and a hilariously queer twist on everyone’s favourite Christmas movie - Oh yes it is!

If you’re a fan of traditional panto, or traditional (outdated) ‘family values,’ then you should probably stop reading now, go put on Radio 4, and settle in with a nice hot cup of Lady Gray and a copy of The Telegraph. Have they gone? Yes? Thank fuck for that. Dead Hard is a queer, silly, pseudo-pantomime based on Die Hard (the greatest Christmas movie except The Muppets Christmas Carol – fight me), with some immersive bits thrown in for good measure. 

Upon arriving at COLAB Tower, London’s first fully Disability Discrimination Act (DDA)-compliant immersive theatre venue, my companion and I stepped into a bar styled like a bank vault. Safety deposit boxes lined the walls, a barred safe door revealed a vault filled with jewels and treasures, and each table was decorated with a pile of gold bars. Even the drinks tokens were tiny gold bars – adorably so. A few actors wandered around in character, including Holly McNotClean (Calum Robshaw), the Director of Corporate Affairs of the hilariously renamed NakaBlowme Corp (spot the subtle changes!), and a balaclava-clad terrorist toting a machine gun. While they weren’t actively performing, their presence added to the lively pre-show atmosphere as we sipped our drinks. 

Soon, Holly grabbed a microphone and announced that it was time for the Christmas party on the 30-somethingth floor. We were ushered into the ‘boardroom’, where CEO Joe Capitalism (Jacqui Bardelang) was enthusiastically snorting mountains of coke (flour) and even invited me and another audience member to join in – our faces first! A brief game followed outside the boardroom, John McClean (Alex Dowding) burst onto the scene, terrorists stormed in to hold us hostage, and then we transitioned into the main theatre space. The immersive segment lasted around 20 minutes, and only a handful of audience members were actively involved. While fun, calling it an immersive show feels like a bit of a stretch. 

The main performance, however, was an absolute riot. Hans Grubby (Toby Osmond) stole the show in high heels, tiny hot pants, suspenders, and a purple jacket. His Alan Rickman impression was on point, and the script leaned into silly jokes and in-your-endo. Calum Robshaw pulled double duty as Holly and Karl, one brash and American, the other softly spoken and German, with plenty of tongue-in-cheek jokes about him playing both roles – especially when Karl had to kidnap Holly! 

Fans of Die Hard were treated to a surprising twist in the McClean/Powell buddy cop dynamic. Despite their macho proclamations – “I’m so straight I play fantasy football” – their relationship blossomed into a hilariously awkward love story, capped by some very manly and definitely not gay (wink, wink) declarations of love. And they say panto-romance is dead! 

One of the show’s standout moments was an action-packed car chase, complete with tiny electric go-karts racing around the space. It was chaotic, thrilling, and, for this writer, a panto first. Half the dialogue seemed improvised, but the sheer energy, clever gags, and audience participation (oh yes, there was) kept the chaos feeling intentional. 

Written by Bertie Watkins, who has been the artistic director of COLAB Theatre for a decade, Dead Hard doesn’t take itself seriously, and nor should it. This is a show that revels in its absurdity, blending camp, chaos, and irreverence into a thoroughly entertaining night out. The actors’ joy was infectious, and the unapologetically queer twist made it feel fresh and exciting. It’s not polished, but that’s the point – this is theatre at its messiest, maddest, and most fun. 

Sadly, I caught the show near the end of its run, so it’s now over for the year. But fear not – Yippee Theatre promises to return next panto season with an even bigger, bolder show. Follow @COLABTheatre on Instagram to stay updated, and come December, be ready to laugh, cringe, and cheer your way through another gloriously camp caper. Yippee-ki-yassss, queens! 

For more info, and to sign up to their mailing list, check out colabtheatre.co.uk

Words by Nick Barr

Photography Alex Walton