Kady Zadora Gave Her Ex a Funeral Before He Died

Kady Zadora talks with 1883 about the making of Stranger, using humour as a coping mechanism, the power of letting go, and why the end of a relationship can become the beginning of understanding yourself.

by Nancy Anekwe

Kady Zadora Gave Her Ex a Funeral Before He Died

BY Nancy Anekwe

Kady Zadora Gave Her Ex a Funeral Before He Died

BY Nancy Anekwe

Despite discussing one of the most challenging periods of her life, I came away from my conversation with Kady Zadora laughing far more than I anticipated. Our conversation drifted between heartbreak, poetry, friendship and whisky cocktails, but it became less about the relationship and more about the woman who emerged from it. While the record Stranger traces the slow collapse of a romance, Kady speaks about it with remarkable warmth, humour and the kind of clarity that only comes with time.

Written before the breakup officially happened, the eight-track country album Stranger captures the emotional limbo between hope, denial and self-acceptance. Recorded live, it preserves the immediacy and vulnerability of those emotions as they unfolded, documenting the slow realisation that sometimes the hardest goodbye is the one you already know is coming. Among the album’s standout moments are Malibu and Stranger I Loved, two nostalgic, wistful songs that carry a quiet sense of melancholy. The lyrics are undeniably devastating, yet neither song wallows in sadness. Stranger is a collection of diary entries, tender reflections and the quiet mourning of a relationship that ultimately led Kady back to herself.

Kady Zadora talks with 1883 about the making of Stranger, using humour as a coping mechanism, the power of letting go and why the end of a relationship can become the beginning of understanding yourself.

Thank you so much for meeting with me for 1883 Magazine. Pleasure to have you.

It’s a pleasure to be here, thank you!

You started writing these songs before the relationship had officially ended. Looking back, what were you noticing that you couldn’t quite admit to yourself yet?

Damn. I love it. Yes! There’s so much. I think I was still hopeful. It’s almost a desperate attempt to keep a normalcy when things are just, your life is about to blow up. And I think by writing the songs, it made it a little truer. We were still in communication, and it felt like I was giving him his funeral before he died. But I had to do it to bring up what I knew was going on underneath it.

Thank you for sharing that. It takes a lot to express any form of vulnerability, especially in relationships. It can be hard to kind of first process it, then choose to kind of express it.

I think, honestly, I was the processor – I tend to get very deep, a little too deep, where sometimes people get annoyed with me for being like, ‘I want to talk about it’. My ex didn’t like to process things. So, part of me, it almost had to do with processing for him.

Yeah. Because I knew we would be talking and we would be together if I hadn’t just ended it. Which I know sounds strange, but, in a way, you can get to sleepwalking in something, and I didn’t want that. And so, I did have to do a lot of that shit on my own. And I think that is my issue, I can never ignore anything. It gets hard, and it gets annoying. You get annoyed with yourself. Luckily, when you have good friends around you who just don’t judge you and just listen. Sometimes you just need somebody to listen, and that’s sort of what I needed at that time, and to write these damn songs out of my heart and soul.

Aww, I love that. I noticed that they were written chronologically. But the album isn’t sequenced in that way. Why did you decide to tell the story out of order?

If we put the sequence on the album sonically, it sounded better starting with a certain song. And we really listened. But I think it was more just how it sounded. If it started on a sad set, people are going to be like, ” This sucks.” Fuck this shit. I’m not listening. So it had to be pleasant because everything’s sad. So at least this sounds less sad.

You recorded the album live with no click tracks or auto-tune. What approach did that allow you to capture that a more polished recording process wouldn’t have?

It’s just letting it flow and capturing the moments that are, you might not get if you’re just going instrument by instrument, laying the track from start to finish when nobody’s listening to each other.

I think everything’s alive a little more. For me, I like to be a little more relaxed, and it just felt a little more exciting for the moment. And so you kind of get an energy from that that you don’t necessarily get when you’re going line by line, or like, oh, let’s do it again. That one sucked. And, of course, there are going to be things that you clean up after if they’re just bad, but I think it really was just this organic ride overall, that’s how they used to do it.

I think I’m a fan of authenticity and just not being so, and that’s hard for me. And I say this, I’m talking to myself, as well as being a fan of it. But the more we can accept our flaws and our bullshit, I think it’s just better off because nowadays you can’t tell if that girl is an AI model or a real fucking person. So let’s go the opposite way and just be a little messier because we’re humans and because that might be extinct soon.

Well, I really hope it won’t be extinct soon. Because what am I going to listen to? The birds?

I hope so too. I know. I agree with you. We’re in this weird time where there’s a push for this perfection, and everything we say is curated and controlled and this and that. That’s not really why we’re here. It’s lonely. It’s depressing. People are going to be sad, sadder, in a bad way. So, I hope it doesn’t happen either. I could go on forever.

No, please go on. Please go on. No.

No. But I think we’re on the same page about it. It’s just that we need to grab it by the balls before it doesn’t exist anymore.

Photo Henrique Tarricone

A lot of Stranger sit in the space between denial and acceptance. Was there a particular song where you realised you had crossed into a different stage emotionally?

Nancy, I love this. So, Somebody Else and Keep The Fire were very preliminary. And I think it was very denial-ridden, but there was a knowing. You always know underneath. And then Stranger and I Don’t Wanna Dream, those were different phases of emotions. So that was when I was hit hard. And the sadness was just so, I just wore it on my whole body. It just followed me at every second of every moment of every day. I wrote it with one of my partners, Remsy, and it was really beautiful.

You have one of your best girlfriends when you’re going through, either you’re getting ready to go on a date, or you’re talking about the date, or you broke up with him, or you’re literally writing the heartbreak. And it was sort of a beautiful, freeing experience of the painful and sad part of it. And then once we got to Tryin’ To Forget You, Faith In A Man, Hard Truths, there was more of an acceptance of it at that point.

And I think those songs are the more fun-sounding songs. There’s just a breeziness that they have that the first four are like, damn, she is a poor girl. So those four had a more just, okay, okay, we’re getting in the right direction.

Once the songs are released, they start belonging to listeners as well. Has anyone interpreted a song in a way that surprised you?

That is a good question. Yes, and it is weird. It is good, I want that, because the whole point of it is, the reason I don’t write names and numbers in the songs, is so people can listen and go, ” Oh yeah, that really hit me.

And I think the more people can interpret it in their way, the more I feel like, okay, I did what I wanted to, where this isn’t just for me, because I listened to it, and I feel like, oh, this helped me, you know. I can sing the songs every day, every night, and go through another layer of feeling peace and joy from something so devastating. So when people can find weird interpretations or better interpretations for their own personal stories, there’s no better feeling.

The video for Malibu was filmed in Brazil and mixes red camera footage with VHS. What drew you to that contrast between something polished and something that feels like a memory?

That was the creative director and the guys. I love that idea. I thought it was so cool, because it does give such a good contrast to the difference.

There is this memory that it looks the way it feels inside. We tend to remember things, the good things, until we’re faced with, or maybe we’re back in a situation where we see the person again, and it brings that memory up in a bad way. And then that kind of reaffirms your decision, and it validates it.

But this was something that gave the memories this Technicolour, but the opposite of Technicolour, I guess. It just puts them in a different colour, so that it just looks like a beautiful memory. I don’t know. I thought it was a great idea. I love it. And it gave something memorable, memorable to a memory, to good memories.

You’ve spoken about the album being a return to yourself. What does that version of yourself understand now that the person who started writing these songs didn’t?

Oh my God, I love it. Okay. So much. It is hard. Sometimes I want to just kick that person. You listen to yourself talk, you watch yourself in interviews, and sometimes you’re like, God, just shut up, I wish I hadn’t said that or whatever.

I don’t feel like that with any of these songs, but I feel I gave too much grace and credit to the man. And, you’re with someone, and sometimes it’s only the dream of that person. When you finally experience the actual person, or in retrospect, you try to make it work so hard, you turn yourself into a pretzel. You accommodate in every fucking way, and then you still have to get punched in the face by heartbreak and rejection. And you’re like, well, fuck it. I think that dreamy girl is a little more jaded and cynical about everything, and it’s good. And I think it’ll change. It’ll go with the flow. But right now, I think I just like to be a little more like, fuck it. I’m just ignoring everyone, and I am just realising that when somebody tells you… And I think it’s Maya Angelou.

When somebody tells you who they are… Believe it. So, yeah. So that’s kind of the place I am. The place where she came, she went to, from the girl that was like, oh, no, but… And now I’m like, mm-mm.

Your Instagram suggests you’re interested in poetry as well as songwriting. Do those two forms of writing feed into each other for you?

I do think that they’re the same for sure. I don’t remember what book that was, but I remember the picture of it.

We, funnily enough, were in Santa Fe. We had gone thrifting, and we found these cute books, and we found these vintage, all these thrift things, and we incorporated them into that shoot. But for sure, they’re the same, and I find that sometimes saying the simplest thing straightforwardly can be the most beautiful part of poetry.

Sometimes, even with a little sprinkle of confetti, it can also be great. My English teacher in high school used to tell me to squeeze the watermelon through the straw.

Photo Henrique Tarricone

Yes, I think I’ve heard that before!

Have you heard of that? It’s such a stupid thing. How dare you tell me what to do in my poetry? That bastard. One of these days, I’m going to find him, and I’m going to tell him that watermelon is in the straw, and I love it like that.

Your social media often feels very playful and humorous, which is different from some of the emotional weight on the album. How do these two sides of your personality coexist?

They are basically the same. They’re the same person. I think that people who have gone through pain tend to use humour as a mechanism. Robin Williams, all the geniuses, comedic geniuses. I’m not saying that I am a comedic genius. But no, I really do find that it keeps me stable. If you can keep your perspective in a bad time, then you’re okay. And I think that humour can just keep you on the straight and narrow in life. And it is a good contrast. I get so serious about this shit, and the playfulness makes it less Intense. It’s good to have those people who are down to get funny with your dark sense of humour. So, it’s fine.

On your social media, I also noticed that you make these whisky cocktails. And sometimes, I wish I could just jump through the screen and join you. It’s nice seeing you having so much fun because it contrasts with the emotional weight of your music.

Thank you! Well, this is green tea, just in case.

Do you know what I wanted to ask? Is that whisky in there?

Oh, I love you! It is not. It is moving week, so I have thought about it. But I want to get there in one piece. It is green tea.

Now that strange art is out in the world, do you feel any differently about the relationship that inspired it than you did when you were writing about it?

Yes. And thank God, because I was just a little delusional gal. It worked out for the best. I think that line, I want to tattoo it on my butt at this point. You go, oh, but if I could have done this differently or I should have done this differently or whatever, I think everything works out. And this saves us so much anxiety, therapy, whatever.

This was a learning experience for me to become a mountain woman and never come out of my cave with my dog. Just kidding. I’m totally healthy and ready. But, yes, things are the way they should be. I have to be glad that it happened. I couldn’t have done it with him, and I couldn’t have done it without him regarding this album. So, I’ll take that.

I’m so proud of it, and I’m so happy that people are loving it as much as I do. I’m so glad.

But, thank you so much for your time and for answering all the questions and just being you and just being nice and vulnerable and sweet and just lovely. It’s been great. And I would love to see you again sometime.

Thank you. Me too. I wish you would see me in LA. I would love to send you a vinyl. And we made a little cocktail recipe book ff all those cocktail recipes. And we have such a fun time doing it. So, I’m going to send you one.

No way! Oh my gosh. I would really like that. Thank you so much, Kady!

We could drink whisky together. We could do it over a video call.

Yes! I would love that.

We could test some new recipes. You could make a recipe. Okay, this is fucking great.

Okay, I love it. I love it. Thank you so much, Kady.

Thank you, Nancy. You made my day. Seriously!Despite discussing one of the most challenging periods of her life, I came away from my conversation with Kady Zadora laughing far more than I anticipated. Our conversation drifted between heartbreak, poetry, friendship and whisky cocktails, but it became less about the relationship and more about the woman who emerged from it. While the record Stranger traces the slow collapse of a romance, Kady speaks about it with remarkable warmth, humour and the kind of clarity that only comes with time.