Have you ever thought, whilst watching Star Wars, “Wow, those stormtroopers are hot – I wish they were all gorgeous women doing a sexy striptease”? No? Oh. Well… you know that dream where Han Solo dances to Smooth Criminal and slowly takes off all his clothes? Good. Not just me then.
Those fantasies – and many more you didn’t know you had – become reality at The Empire Strips Back, the fabulous new burlesque parody now playing at Riverside Studios in London.
“It was a dark and sexy time for the rebellion,” the scrolling intro text informs us. Next thing we know, a hot lady dressed as Luke Skywalker enters, astride a Tauntaun. Of course, she gets off, and of course, she strips – gracefully, artfully, and eventually leaving the poor Tauntaun a little worse for wear. It’s the first of many twisted, iconic reenactments you’ll witness in this brilliantly silly (and sexy) galaxy far, far away.
Cameos arrive thick and fast: Leia in the gold bikini, a rapping Jabba the Hutt, Boba Fett bumping and grinding to Welcome to the Jungle, a C-3PO being stripped (not for parts – for fun), and a hilarious surprise act involving Emperor Palpatine that has to be seen to be believed. Yes, they all get their kit off to some extent. Even the Emperor. Especially the Emperor.
Some of the biggest laughs of the night come from Travis Jay, who pops up between almost every act – dressed as Lando, he introduced himself as such, before immediately ditching the pretence and introducing himself properly. About a third of the show is Travis hyping the crowd, tossing out punchlines, and orchestrating the chaos like the world’s naughtiest ringmaster. On alternate nights, the role is played by Pete Dobbing, but I saw Travis and he absolutely smashed it.
The dancing is next-level. These performers aren’t just there for laughs – the choreography, by Lisa Toyer and James Barry, would hold its own on any West End stage. It’s tight, funny, slick and sexy, and executed with an energy that never dips. The group stormtrooper number was a particular highlight, razor-sharp and full of attitude. The blue Twi’lek sisters had a routine that was downright hypnotic. And the Han and Chewbacca medley? Honestly one of the best things I’ve ever seen on stage, involving a wookie! David Devyne and Dennis Anin-Badu turn what could have been a throwaway gag into a full-on dance spectacular, spanning everything from I Want It That Way to Wannabe, with boyband moves, hip-hop swagger and perfect comic timing.
The set and prop work deserves a shoutout too. Designed by Christopher Glass, everything has that perfect balance of parody and polish. Jabba is glorious and grotesque. The landspeeder gets a cheeky wash. R2-D2… well, he has a very special trick that I won’t ruin, but it brought the house down. The look and feel of Star Wars is nailed, but with a glitter-slicked cabaret twist. The costumes also deserve serious applause, every single piece is bang on – sexy, silly, and Star Wars-y.
And the crowd? We were loving it. Look, Brits can be awkward. Put us in a room with strangers watching people get naked and we might go a bit quiet. But not here. Here, we laughed. We hooted. We howled. Something about seeing your childhood favourites in varying degrees of undress just breaks down barriers. Laughter wins. Especially when Jabba starts rapping.
There’s merch on sale too – t-shirts, tote bags, the usual – but where, I ask you, where are the sexy stormtrooper outfits? That is a missed opportunity if ever I saw one. I would’ve bought the missus one in a heartbeat!!
The Empire Strips Back is ridiculously good fun. It’s bold, it’s bonkers, it’s brilliant – it’s got more grind than a Mos Eisley dancefloor. Go. Take a friend. Leave your lightsaber at the door.
The Empire Strips Back is playing now at Riverside Studios, London. For tickets go to www.theempirestripsback.com/
Words by Nick Barr
Photos by Craig Ridgwell
